The horizon is hazy, slightly smudged. The air smells like baking bread, a weirdly comfortable smell for such a tense situation. Soon enough, you see it. Flames licking the trees as the forest fire makes its way to the town, threatening people’s homes, farms, livelihoods. Ask yourself a question: can you handle it?

You actually don’t have to handle it. You can look courageous and official without putting your life at risk. Anyway, firefighting is a competitive career and life is already complicated enough. Here are a few firefighting rules that you might find handy while attending a party dressed in this jumpsuit that is not, we repeat, is not flame retardant.

First off, recognize current weather conditions and obtain forecasts. This way you’ll know whether or not to take an Uber. Secondly, remain in communication with your crew members, you don’t want to get stranded if they want to leave or seem rude for not texting your friends back. Determine your safety zones and escape routes. Safety zone: kitchen, there are drinks and possibly snacks there. Escape routes: Front door, back door, and in an emergency the living room balcony doesn’t seem too far from that grassy knoll. Lastly, remain in control at all times. When the going gets hot you’ll be ready to walk out of there leaving no crew members behind.

With these guidelines in your back pocket you’re ready to don this sweet firefighting ensemble. The waist tie gives this jumpsuit a fashionable high waisted look. The words “Fire and Rescue” on the back let everyone know that you’re there to save the day. You’re sure to look heroic in this ensemble, although we aren’t sure about you putting out any flames. You’re anything but a wet blanket.