Child Turtle Costume

Description

You know, they say that time goes by faster the older that you get, but do you ever wonder what it’s like for a turtle?

Because we don’t know if you’ve heard this, but…turtles are pretty slow. Maybe it doesn’t even matter that they can live to be over 100 years old, since everything probably moves fast to them! It’s kind of like when we moved away from our hometown for five years and then came back to find that everything had changed. Like, we got a Target now? When did that happen? And we definitely don’t remember the mall being this small. And why do we have five independent coffee shops, all with their own weekly Open Mic Night? It’s a town of 50,000 people – even weekly Open Mic seems like a little much. And yeah, so maybe we weren’t expecting a parade or anything to celebrate our coming back to the old digs (though, you know, it would’ve been nice, considering we basically won the Homecoming football game back in ’97 when we were down 10 points against our biggest rivals, the Pontiff Penquins), but is it too much to ask for the local townspeople to fight a little harder to make sure the first two rows of the home bleachers at the football field keeping being for varsity football alumni only and not for some jerk high school kids who think they’re entitled to everything? Is nothing sacred? Does winning one Homecoming game more than 15 years ago now meaning nothing to you people?

Anyway, if you wanna let your kid savor the passage of time – you know, before they grow up and start to be unappreciated and basically forgotten by everyone they’ve ever grown up with – then we suggest you get them this Child Turtle Costume. Give them the gift of slowing everything down before life starts moving too fast and everyone stops remembering that they were the one who came up with the idea to paint and erect a giant cardboard football helmet on the town bluff whenever we won a football game, not those ’96 jerks! MAN, can’t anyone remember what happened in ’97, or did everyone just go on with their lives and start caring about new experiences and accomplishments? Unbelievable…