Wasn’t it the worst when you were young and your parents would get way too upset when you’d search under sofas and in dank, dark alleys for some big, fat, juicy eight-legged beast to bite you in the neck and give you wall-crawling and web-spinning abilities? …No? Heh, us either—we were merely testing you. Our costumes are reserved for only the least spider-bitten humans…
But wouldn’t a subconscious precognitive sense of danger been really cool as a kid? Like, if you turned the corner and could feel, just ahead out of sight, some big van driven by a creep with candy? You could feel the need to run away from the Christmas present stash well before mom and dad opened the front door. Bullies at school? Even the smaller, sneakier ones wouldn’t have stood a chance. Ah, they were simple times, but they could’ve been so much simpler.
You might not have benefitted from spider-sense in childhood. You might not now have the ability to soar from rooftop to rooftop, or the physical ability to battle villains like Doc Oc, but you can do the next best thing at the helm of our Adult Deluxe Spider-Man Costume! The next best thing being, of course, patrolling the party (parkour optional) to ensure no jerks ruin it for anyone. And if you spot a Gwen Stacy of your own? Well, you’d better start rehearsing those witty one-liners, Spidey.