Plus Size Squirrel Costume

Description

Everyone knows that squirrels eat nuts, but they eat lots of other stuff too! Squirrels eat fruit, birdseed out of bird feeders (ask anyone with a bird feeder and you’ll hear some stories), and they probably eat a lot of food we humans throw away. Maybe you did know that stuff about squirrels. Want to hear something you didn’t know? Squirrels are conspiring to overthrow the human race and take control of the earth. Fact. Sounds like a conspiracy theory, right? Wrong. Think about it. Every time a squirrel spots you, what does it to? It freezes in its tracks with the guiltiest look on its face, doesn’t it? And then it runs up a tree. Why would the squirrel run if it wasn’t guilty, right? Doesn’t seem like much evidence until you realize that squirrels are everywhere. They uses the trees and the yards of our world freely, and they all pass that information back and forth across the globe, tracking our movements, noting our weaknesses, ready to strike whenever the signal is given.

Look, the squirrel empire isn’t going to be very friendly to humans. You’re probably looking for a way to escape the purges, right? Well, what if you weren’t a human after all. You show up wearing this suit, no squirrel is going to look twice! It’s clear you’re a squirrel, not one of those evil humans. Sure, you’re abnormally large, but a squirrel would never question his brother. That’s why you need this costume. Not for tomorrow, or the next day, or maybe even the day after that. But someday, when the squirrels come, you’ll be ready for them. You’ll be one of them. Better act now, friend.